It has been requested that I share this excerpt of a book I wrote before I could write, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
It was shocking to see so many pretty people all in one place, but the girls were by far the worst. Tall, tan and gorgeous, she thought. It figures. Speaking of figures, as the bell rang signaling that first period was to begin in a brief few minutes; she couldnโt help but search for another girl more like her. Amidst the designer jeans, long, flowing hair and perfect bodies with perfectly clear, pimple-free faces, she couldnโt help but pray for one overweight kid. Girl or boy it didnโt really matter to her, they didnโt even have to be completely fat, just a little pudgy would be okay. She just didnโt want to be the biggest one. She lowered her eyes to the print out her mother had given her searching for which direction she should go to find the student resources office where she would get her class schedule.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย By then most of the students had filed into their various class rooms and she was alone with just the stragglers rifling through their lockers for some lost item and a few of the faculty members standing by the doors of their classrooms. Even the teachers look like underwear models, just perfect.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย The woman behind the desk of the Student Resources office was definitely the exception to the rule of perfect she had discovered that far. She wasnโt fat, but she had possibly the worst face Felicity had ever seen. Her hair was stiff looking as though it was made of fishing wire and she had frown lines upon her drooping face. She had severely penciled in eyebrows in an unnatural color and thick, coke-bottle glasses with black frames.ย Ohโฆlook at you judging other people by their appearance, Felicity scolded herself. She smiled uncertainly at the woman and tried to be pleasant. โMy name is Felicity Thurston and I was told I could get my schedule here,โ she said.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย The woman scowled at her as though she were a poisonous bug that might threaten humanity if she werenโt squished. Felicity adjusted her backpack strap and waited for a response. โYouโre in the wrong office,โ the woman said in a gritty voice. Felicity noticed that her teeth were yellowed and crooked and her lips cracked when she spoke. โYou want the office next door, Student Services.โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Felicity apologized and backed out the door the way she had come. She hoped the rest of her day would be better. She hoped wrong.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Attendance that morning was her very first disaster. Aside from seeing the tiny desks with tiny little seats attached to them that this school would expect her abnormally large frame to slide into, of course. She had begged her mom not to fill out the admission paperwork with her full name, and obviously her mother had chosen not to obey her wishes.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย โFelicity Ann Thurston,โ her homeroom teacher, Mrs. Monroe called out. โHere,โ Felicity said in a small voice. It was going okay, no snickers, no jokes, nothing. Perhaps these kids werenโt as bright as she had been giving them credit for. Then, the worst thing that could happenโฆamend that; the worst thing that could EVER happen, suddenly did.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย โEach student is assigned a student ID in my class. You will use your assigned student ID on all of your paperwork and assignments. Your student ID will be the initials of your full name and the month and day of your birthday. So, Miss Thurston, your new student ID will be FAT- 1021.โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย The class was oddly silent for a few seconds until one of the girls in the second row turned and looked at Felicity. She only said one word, โAppropriate,โ but it sent the class into gales of laughter.
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Felicity sunk down in her chair and felt the blush bloom from her chest and sweep up her face. It was definitely not going to be a good day.
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48 responses to “Okay but you have to fogive me it was a long time ago”
This is really good! โค
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You are so sweet. I’m just now holding the gas can and matches! There must be no evidence
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Are you kidding? I loved it!
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You are kind to me all the time! ๐ which I appreciate by the way.
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It is as I suspected, you underrate yourself. Yes, it need some TLC in the ‘show not tell’ category, but I did connect to the character and my curiosity was aroused. I cracked up over the student ID, but also felt mortified for poor Felicity. It is not as bad as you think and has some real promise. Really, I’m not joshing you. You have a delightful wit and unusual voice.I admire your bravery and rising to the challenge. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to work on this.
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Thank you! I’m surprised it makes much sense at all. I think at 16 I was convinced all you had to do was write. Just write. ๐ naive I was.
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Really? You were sixteen? Woman! You are a writer! I’m now going to have to dig mine up just to compare. LOL Trust me, mine didn’t make near as much sense. Now I’m really impressed.
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I wanna see it!
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I loved it! I can so relate!! I hated high school til my senior year! Believe me<<editor….this is worth reading! ๐
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That makes me feel really good!
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Good!!
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I enjoyed it!!!
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I’m blushing! I was laughing earlier at me. Now I blush!
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Seriously, great start. I’ve been in your shoes. Enjoy the praises. I’m about to post another short story later on too
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I look forward to it!
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Thanks. I will let you know ๐
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I agree. It’s really good. You have a gift for bringing across a character’s thoughts and feelings to the reader.
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More blushin’
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I so remember that feeling. It was Theta Beta. Or OB. ๐
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I reckon this has the makings of a good pre-teen or teenage novel. Kids love this sort of stuff. I hope Felicity does some amazing out of character deed that makes the others fight to be her friend!
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I too really enjoyed this and I definitely feel engaged with Felicity, poor girl, though I get a sense she has some real strength. I’m also angry with the teacher who should’ve been way more awake!
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I must really have been in my shy-awkward phase when I wrote this!
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Love it! We can all relate to being the oddball in the group, otherwise we wouldn’t have all turned into writers! I’m of course speaking only for myself hear. Maybe one or two other people. ๐
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But you aren’t naming any names tho right? That cough sounded like “Ionia”
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“Cough!”
No, I don’t think my cough sounded anything like Ionia or David. Oh wait, I think I need to sneeze….
“Ahh-CHOOIONIA!!!”
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Pardon me I believe I Ionia’d?
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I loved it. In fact I could really identify with this, having been the largest person in almost all groups or classes I have ever been in.
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๐ฆ I’ve always been the smallest. Literally. The shortest, tiniest one. People still thought I was 12 when I was 18.
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Yeah, like everyone else, you are massively underestimating yourself. This is really good. It may need a bit of work but i really like it a lot. If you can face it, you should definitely re-visit it properly and see what you can make of it now…
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There are so many hilarious mistakes in this manuscript. I began this while still in UK and wrote the last chapter years later after moving US. Both my attempts to even out the structure by removing British slang and “adding” American lingo are hilarious. I was literally rolling earlier this morning. So, if nothing else at least it was good for a laugh.
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I love it – I felt myself sinking into my chair with Felicity. She immediatly inspired pathos! And to the oddball comment above – oh my goodness, yes. ๐
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I am so happy you have started visiting me! Now to go dig through your blog:)
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I love visiting your blog – for the content *and* the swimming fish!
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I like the little worm. If you pull him all the way down to the bottom of the screen and click him, he will go zinging back to the top. Hello, I’m very mature. How are you today?
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I love it – it’s interactive!! Maturity is so overrated. I am lovely, and I hope you are, too. Enjoy your week!
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I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to find your blog. But I’m glad I did, especially to read this excerpt. I kept seeing your name pop up everywhere. It seems oddly fitting that I should read this after reading a post about Abercrombie & Fitch’s marketing plan, which doesn’t include clothing for people of a certain size.
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I am so happy you did find my blog:) I look forward to digging through yours as soon as I am home this evening! I just started reading a book that has much the same theme, about a gawky girl who didn’t fit in because of her height. I look forward to getting to know you:)
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I nominated you for the Wonderful Team Award. Congrats and good luck on your race. http://legendsofwindemere.com/2013/05/11/wonderful-team-award-part-2/
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You gave us a character that has personality, a wry sense of humor, is hurting and vulnerable, going through such a real teen crisis–shall I go on? You were already showing the writer in you at the tender age of 16!
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Blushy face:)
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You would laugh yourself silly at my first finished “book” not sure how many deaths but it was a total teenage horror movie. English or of said it too. Lol
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I LOVE it!
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Thank you!
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I nominated you for the Shine On award! Happy Motherโs Day! http://whenibecameanauthor.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/shine-on-award/
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Keep the matches away from Ionia! No burning this. It was great. You’re too hard on yourself. I could easily relate to the main character. I really really liked it.
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So where can i buy your books? ๐
Seriously though…
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Well that one is in my recycle bin:)
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Very clever – captures that dreaded teenage angsty-ness some of us never seem to escape. ๐
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