After discussing the great American romance novel with a group of ladies earlier in the day, I wanted to pose a question to the ladies and gentleman, respectively. Whilst there are many ways to approach a character’s sex appeal in a novel, be they male or female, my question is this: What makes a character sexy?
Men: What do you find makes a woman Sexy? Is it purely physical in the beginning or are there other things you look for?
Ladies: Same question, except about the men. What do you find sexy about a man?
It seems many romance novels are written from the perspective of a woman and the authors tend to give the men qualities they wish they had, rather than those that are commonly found. Does this happen if a man writes a romance novel? How much of this is simple stereotyping?
Thoughts please. You are helping out a starving author here. No, really, I just saw an advertisement for Chili’s Bar and Grill and now I’m hungry. Help me out.
readful things blog 
315 responses to “What makes someone Sexy? A question for girls and boys in blogland”
I feel it’s sexy when a man is comfortable to sit in silence and just being in each others presence.
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That is a response I have not heard yet, and is an excellent point. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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I’m a hopeless romantic, smiles
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I think sexy is a combination of factors. A physical or mental pull can be first. For example, being pulled in by someone’s eyes or hearing them say something that catches your attention. First impression sexy is usually physical, but there are times I get attracted to the humor or intelligence before seeing the person. The challenge would be retaining the sexy factor during the get to know you stage.
A level of confidence and independence is very sexy too. As much as some guys like the damsel needing a strong man to boost their ego, it doesn’t last. I prefer a woman who can stand on her own feet and be sure of herself. Sense of humor falls into the requirement category too.
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✅So I need a personality lol
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I hear you can get them cheap on Amazon. Used ones are on eBay. Though, I think you’re fine with the world dominating squirrel queen persona.
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I am comfortable with that.
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Good. The world wouldn’t be right without your bum in the Acorn Throne.
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On w on a while I sit on one. Hurts.
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I told you to use the big padded cushion to sit on.
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I should. Nuts hurt lol
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Yes they do. Far too often.
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Lol I’m guessing you know
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My tree is perpetually parked under an oak. The squirrels attack when I go out there. Little buggers have excellent aim.
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Are they peeing in the woods too?
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I assume. We’re not close enough friends to discuss bladder voiding habits.
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You and I or you and the squirrels?
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Me and the squirrels, but I don’t think that’s a topic we’re rushing to discuss either.
“36-24-36? Only if she’s 5’3” 🙂
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I know someone like that
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I think I do too. Love the song it’s from.
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True, me too
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The classics never get old, especially the funny ones.
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I find a woman with a sense of humor very sexy (I think I remember what sexy is). Usually a sense of humor is an indication of an engaging, intelligent, delightful person. If you have all these you are sexy to me.
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Damn I hoped you were talking about me
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I was going to throw in that she must like cup cakes and live a squirrely life, but thought it too subtle.
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I want you John. Meet me
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Sure would be nice. Maybe some day. Also I asked Julian about beans and toast and he said he did not believe you would want that story public.
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Well, you see…I was on the floor…
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Doing what?
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Let me whisper in your ear…
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Not that one! There is a banana in there for later . The other one.
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Ba an na
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Have you any wool?
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Alpaca wool
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Who is he? This Al Paca?
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Al pacino’s cousin harry
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I completely agree!
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Especially a witty humor! Keeps you on your toes. Love that.
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Physical attraction is obviously an initial thing but as a musician I am instantly attracted to a man who can play a musical instrument reeeeeally well. I also love it when a man can make me genuinely laugh.
Oh, striking blue eyes and an Irish accent also helps 😉
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Those are attractive qualities. I definitely have a thing for a man who can play an instrument as well:) Thank you!
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To me, I think there’s not just one thing that makes a man sexy. A good looking exterior can be ruined by a sucky personality and I think literature does it’s fair share of using stereotypes of an attractive mate, by both male and female authors. I hate to get into why an author writes what they do because I’m not a writer. Like some might write a character a certain way for a book to sell. I don’t know that.
But to get back to the original question, What makes a man sexy. I think, gut reaction, looks is what I think is attractive leaning toward sexy but that doesn’t last very long for me. To me, if a guy can get me to laugh, comfort me when I’m in tears, hang out with me/my friends/family, has a bass voice etc. that’s more sexy to me than if he is just attractive on the outside.
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I definitely have to agree. It is more important that there are deeper qualities than looks. I think a man that can make you laugh is a very important quality.
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right? And I’m kind of hard to please. It can’t be a giggle, it has to be a laugh. And being able to handle all the sarcasm in my family might be the tipper.
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Mine too! And saying funny words for balls.
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like NARDS!
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Knackers!!!
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I feel like I associate you with male genitals and that makes me a little uncomfortable because you don’t have male plumbing. (I’m assuming) And even if you did have nards, I feel like I’d need to step back from this relationship because we’d be based on a lie. That’s not sexy.
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It’s not you…it’s me…
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wait……..are you breaking up with me? If you are, then it’s definitely you, not me. Don’t break up with me. I don’t want to go through the break up ritual and we’re to amazing together.
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We are. Lets just go back to nards and public social media hatred
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Fine………….
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Do I buy flowers now?
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hahaha. I don’t know. Let’s just hate social media and talk about nards.
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I completely agree with you ladies. It might sound a bit lez, but I personally don’t think guys are attractive physically, women are. Woman can be wrapped up and packaged to look sexy whereas men can’t really. I never “judge a book by its cover” when it comes to men. I seriously only see their personalities. Plus, handsome men are only trouble (sorry!!! It’s just what I think)
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Oh yes they are….
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I think that the physical can draw you in at the beginning and the personality makes you stay—it can definitely work vice-versa, too, but the attraction has to be there.
A sense of humor, confidence NOT arrogance, and genuine kindness are some of the personality traits that I find really sexy. I think kindness and gentleness get feminized and are underrated in men. Sure, I want a guy that can go chop down a tree in a sexy flannel shirt (err…what?) but I also want one that will take care of me if I’m sick and is friendly and kind to other people.
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love that you specified the difference between confidence and arrogance. Many people just don’t get that.
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I think a lot of people mistake one for the other—and sometimes it takes getting to know someone before you can realize that what you thought was confidence was really arrogance. No one wants an insecure puddle, either !
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Absolutely. Bloody wankers if ye ask me.
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Precisely. I guess you’ve noticed that’s my new favourite British insult?
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I love it
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It’s just so fun to say, too!
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Bloody tosser works too
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I always forget about tosser. Bloody ridiculous of me.
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I’m a terrible influence
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I blame the squirrels.
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One thing if you think about it, is arrogance is actually another sign of insecurity, they are overcompensating.
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This is so true
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Oh man, you made me laugh out loud with that (err…what?) hahah, people all have different fantasies, eh. Here’s a weird one for you, I find it so manly sexy when I guy pees in nature. Just the way they stand so straight with their legs spread (err…what?) lol!! But you totally know what I mean,
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Ok so that is kind of hot
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Haha well I started typing and then realized that was the opening scene for a romance containing all of Ionia’s romance novel “no-no”s.
Hey, to each their own. And I definitely do 😉
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But the American ones are so funny, those insults and phrases
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Oh, do tell! I could probably use some new American insults and phrases, too.
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Doesn’t fuck really substitute everything?
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It does. It’s a noun, a verb, an adverb…an adjective. It’s a multi-use word! But it’s just so much more offensive than bloody. Although, it is satisfying to say. Especially after you’ve stubbed your toe or stepped on a rabid squirrel. You just draw out the F over-emphasize the K.
Next week on Reading Rainbow: How to Say Your Favorite Swear Words.
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Lol I want to be the teacher. Expletives. Love them.
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You can be—I already learned new words for balls. I didn’t know there were so many.
Also, when did balls and fuck become measurements for temperature?
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So true. Oh I need to teach you more.
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Swearing with Ionia
Some squirrels may be harmed or traumatized in the making of this post.
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Lol! Bloody bastards!
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This is now playing on repeat in my brain.
You’re all welcome.
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My girls. So proud…
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His hands – his eyes – his smile. But what I find sexy, you probably wouldn’t and vice versa. The physical is just a beginning. There are plenty of gorgeous men out there that don’t do a flippin’ thing for me. Just give me a book to read instead and I will be happy
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I do agree with that! I can’t stand the ones who think they are god’s gift to women.
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Well that excludes a bunch
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99 percent of the population
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The rest are gay or more interested in squirrels
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Lol poor squirrels…the new sheep
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OOooOoh! Yes. Hands. Big hands that can hold a big book? Lol. But yes, hands are so sexy. pet peeve of mine is someone who bites their finger nails completely off! Eep. Bree is like that and it makes me crazy.
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That drives me mad too
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Only think worse is guys that don’t trim their nails. You should not have longer nails than I do, case closed.
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And toenails ugh!
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Must…expunge….visual
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you know this is a perspective I haven’t even thought about… In my story I’ve actually spent very little time in discribing physical appearences of my characters. Is it odd that I would venture to write a Romance without thought as to what is sexy…? My reasoning is simple, everyone has a different definition as to what is sexy, brain or brawn or a bit of both, physical, or intellectual and then there is the spiritual. Besides until later Epochs my story is rooted into what is more primal and instictual… urges and drives and the emotional drives of these… of course it is so much easier when your characters still live in caves… Sexy was probably having your health and limbs and a hunk of meat…
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I love when an author does that and doesn’t really describe the characters appearances much. It lets me build the character myself.
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I’m willing to bet that of the fifty people following my story you would get fifty completely different composits were they to sketch each of the main characters…
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LOL!!!!
Okay, so guess what TJ? You just made sexy. No, really, men who make me laugh are incredibly attractive, I think with most women it is that way. I really don’t think about it very often in my own books either, even though they are contemporary.
I should perhaps. Maybe that’s why my characters refuse to shag.
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Yup I’m sexy in a Quasimodo-elephant-man kind of way…. don’t feel so bad…12,000 words into a Romance and there is the total of a one sentence shag…
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Better than none—it’s a quickie lol
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health, confidence and a huge bank balance.
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LOL. I love it!
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it isn’t everything but makes a fine start! 🙂
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For me it is far more about that emotional connection than any physical thing, especially initially. I think people make a lot of mistakes based upon purely physical attraction. I think it is better to connect emotionally first, with someone that has the same philosophy on life, the same world view as you. Someone who wants the same things and has the same dreams and aspirations. Ultimately a sexy woman for me is one that you can connect with in that way, that displays intelligence and humour and that can make you smile the instant you hear her voice. A woman whose presence you crave every moment you are apart. A woman that makes you feel as special and desired as you make me feel every day Ionia.
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I could have just called this post what I love about that fucking Englishman
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Yes, but if you had it would have been a much, much longer post and would not have encouraged the same degree of commenting that you are experiencing now. Did I mention that I love you. This is probably the most appropriate post to mention it in out of all the ones that we have done so previously.
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🇬🇧I love you too:) very much.
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And that makes me feel special and warm and tingly inside again 🙂
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Really go pee in the woods
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Sorry, what were you saying, I was just having a pee by that tree over there.
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And it was so hot
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And that is just how you make me feel.
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Like you need to pee?
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Stop toying with my affections, woman.
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That was hot too
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And it was all for you, because I love you, eternally.
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Now see ladies. That’s just sexy.
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Is a man blushing sexy too?
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It so is. Makes my heart beat faster.
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Breathe deeply. Think calm thoughts.
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I like it though
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I know, a pounding heart and breathlessness can be quite intoxicating. I know because you have this effect on me all of the time
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As do you. Oh Englishman, love me baby
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I love you with all of my heart, Ionia. Always and forever, whatever.
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Then I have the sexy man this post is about
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You most certainly do, and he has you.
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I would have scoffed at this post before
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Before us? Yes me too.
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Yes, before us. But now…
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But now everything is different. Hypocrite cards are on order.
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Damn good thing “no mobile phones”
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Absolutely
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Lol how. Hypocrites at work
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And at play
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Play with me
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I do, every day.
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Oh love:)
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And I will do so every day until the end of time
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I don’t think I’ve told everyone you are sexy as hell yet. He’s so hot!
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I think different men are sexy for different reasons (although I just realized that weird is nearly common for all of them):
~ Conan O’Brien. Because funny is sexy. Smart, funny and weird are even sexier.
~ Dr. Who 10th Dr. (David Tennant) – A little slim, but enthusiastic, intense, weird, smart and a little goofy.
~ Thorin from the Hobbit (Richard Armitage) Oh, hells-bells I would follow that Dwarf to the center of the earth and back. It’s the eyes – it has to be, because his personality rivals Mr. Rochester for ‘not-nice.’ The tall, well-built thing that the actor has going on in real life isn’t bad either.
True self-confidence makes all the above happen and I think that may be at the root of it.
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I do believe you are right. But Conan? Lol I love you
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I watched him when he first arrived on late-night tv – I was 13, it was love at nerd sight!
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I like nerds.
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And Druids.
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D should answer about women
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Oh boy! He will, but it’ll be like pulling teeth – we’ve a wounded warrior over here, in that department! 🙂
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💋💋
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*Bloody woman: ‘wounded warrior,’ indeed*
Ahem.
Sexy? I would call it allure. To me, a woman with depth and passion draws me in. Charm and sweetness can turn some men’s heads, but without substance, I will not stay. I must want to lose my soul in her eyes and she must be a force of nature herself in order to stand at my side – a partner in all things. On the physical side, bright, beautiful eyes and lustrous hair help, for those mean she is healthy. Wide childbearing hips would also be good, as I wouldn’t want to lose her or the child/ren she will bear me.
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I’m sorry I read Richard Armitage and blacked out for a moment. Hells-bells indeed.
But I think you have an excellent point—some people wouldn’t understand that you could find all three of those men attractive—which means that it’s something OTHER than just looks.
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It is!
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It is – and when I write, beyond the eyes and general stature/hair color, I don’t describe looks. It’s their personality that usually drives whether or not people reading will find them attractive. It also helps people “own” the character if the reader can give the character a face themselves.
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I think you’re right. I probably get into the facial descriptions more than I should—I just really enjoy writing them. But, I definitely understand what you mean. With more vague descriptions, readers can shape their own characters without having to try to conjure up some guy who is an author’s personal mash-up of features.
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Like Conan
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I’ll backtrack – if you like writing them, then I’m pretty sure they work well. I hate writing them. So, half my thing is laziness!
And even if an author does give a fairly detailed description, I make up my own anyway. It’s like word/name pronunciations – I’m a little dyslexic so I make it up. It’s bled into my people-conjuring too!
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Necromancy
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Well that makes me feel better! I definitely talk about people’s clothes too much…it’s my childhood dream (for a week) of being in fashion sneaking through. But you’re right, now that I think of it. In certain books, I picture characters with different hair colors no matter how often the author says otherwise.
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I do the clothes thing – my mom had old fashion books and I just fell in love with the history of clothes. That’s what led me to like history and write historical books. It’s totally the clothes. Until I realized that the Irish – unless they were aristocracy – didn’t maintain the fashions of the time. Love ’em, but bloody heathens! And the native aristocracy usually told the continental fashions to take a hike!
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Below the knee hems….hmmmm
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Oh my god, is that an ankle!?! The weirdness of Victorians always makes me smile!
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My toe is showing!
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Gasp! Ionia, you saucy rebel!
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It’s painted red too:)
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And now we’re back to scarlet woman! (one after my own heart too!) 🙂 🙂
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I’ve always written fantasy (although, really, you wouldn’t know that from my blog) so I think describing the clothes helps with the cultures—especially if it can help the reader compare to a known culture/time period. I’m so impressed with those that choose to write history—history interests me but doing the research terrifies me!
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Research can be pretty intense, but I mainly started writing so I would have an excuse to do research and live in the library most of the time!
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When you put it like that…
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Fun times in dusty stacks! 🙂
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My graduate school library has the set of Will & Grace in it. I think I can find ways to spend some time there when I start in the fall!
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I’d find ways to spend time there, too – that is very cool!
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Plus I hate when the character is different than the cover
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Yes, that is annoying. I already have a picture here – what do you mean that god now has pink spiked hair and an earring?
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Exactly! Or the blonde is a redhead etc.
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And yes, I black out a little every time I tune into those two seasons of MI-5 or North and South. Black out and then squee. My son mocks me.
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I watched North and South but MI-5 is still sitting in my instant queue! I watched the BBC Robin Hood (oh god, the cheesyness abounded) but Richard Armitage as Guy of Gisborne? Be still my heart. And squeeeeeee
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Fuck the lot of them …no
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He’s the only reason to watch Robin Hood, and I just can’t quite do it. And to tame the child, I had to watch MI-5 from the very beginning. Then Armitage just happened to be in it, and I OD on Netflix for a weekend!
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Sean connery
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Oh dear yes. That is just ridiculously yes. People complain that he just uses a Scottish accent for every character he plays, and my response: “he’s Sean F*** Connery.” Of course, I think he has that opinion of himself too…!
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And Craig ferguson lol
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Oh, there’s another one! Funny and a Scot. Be still my heart! 🙂
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Agree
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Robin Hood was just so delightfully bad…I couldn’t stop watching.
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What about an accent? Does that help?
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Is that a real question? Of COURSE.
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British?
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Definitely helps. Irish, Scottish, Australian, a nice mellow New Orleans drawl…I’m not too picky.
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Lol I don’t hear the English accent everyone loves
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That’s because you are English, you just hear the Yank accent that everybody hates!
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I do hear it, but I don’t hate it. I like the way you say certain words in particular. Like particular.
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Hahaha we say particular in a particular way? I’ve never noticed! I like the English pronunciation of sanctuary.
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I may have to turn that into my secret guilty habit. I just can’t watch it in front of the kid. I’d giggle too much and loose whatever credibility I’m attempting to carry into the teenage years!
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It’s overrated
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So I’m beginning to understand – at least his concept of credibility is. Tough standards.
Speaking of which I actually need to leave work now! I’m mentioning this post tonight when I post – this is fun and great information. It’s the win for the day (or week… maybe even the month)!
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Lol thank you Katie!
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PS: accent is almost necessary (for me, I only had one American boyfriend and he didn’t last!)
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They rarely do. Wankers.
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Too true!! 🙂
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There would be a lot of squeeing. And I may or may not have shed a tear or six at a few of the season finales.
Bloody hell, Ionia will set the squirrels on me for that confession.
(Run awayyyyyy)
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Fuck.
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No, Ionia, you have to draw out the F, remember? FFFFFFFFFFFuck.
And that was a Monty Python reference. Do I get any points back for that?
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You do indeed.
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Young fffffrankenstein
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pining for the fffffffjords
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This conversation has gone to the dogs, love. I FFFFFucking love it.
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I regret NOTHING.
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You are the epitome of awesome
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I met a girl who pronounced epitome as epi-TOME. Now it is a running inside joke and I giggle every time I see it.
And thank you, I think you’re pretty fantastic yourself!
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That is too funny…I might try it. Nah.
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People might actually think you’re a few fries short of a happy meal.
Is there an English equivalent for this? Elevator only goes halfway up etc?
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Oh there are many
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As bright as a sack of hammers
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That’s one I haven’t heard!
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I cried for 10 minutes at the end of MI-5, so there will be no castigation on my end! 🙂
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Hhaha, you’re so funny! There is a big long list of things that make both men and women sexy and appealing, but I have to run out the door right now so I will say the #1 thing is CONFIDENCE!!! Holy cow, I’m just thinking of Rhett Butler, man that guy is sexy in his suite and tasting his wine like he owns the world. MmmmMMmmmM! It’s also hypnotizingly dangerous, because that’s how my bf tricked me into being with him! But honestly, I have no idea how you would show confidence in writing since it’s something that comes off in more of a scent and feel… if that makes sense. Okay, now I just feel like I’m rambling on. I’ll check back in on this one later. Thanks for getting us all thinking.
Oh wait, and I HAVE to agree with most of you guys, #2 thing for me is humor. I get SO bored of you if you don’t make me laugh. I love laughing, especially the kind that makes me cry and pee my pants a little.
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I just read Rhett Butlers people:)
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Say Whaaaat?! There’s a Rhett sequel? I read Scarlette but never knew there was a Rhett one. *Jaw drop…and fall off chair…* Is it good? It can’t beat the original, right?
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It’s pretty awesome..authorised edition
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**And she runs out the door to nearest bookstore!**
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Address I shall send it
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I forgot Rhett Butler! Oh, shame on me! He is the epitome of sexy. Right there. He’s even witty, so that takes care of the humor aspect too. 🙂
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Oh scarlet move over baby
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(I used to want to be Scarlet when I grew up, until I had a child, and realized she wasn’t a very nice parent, except to that last child in “Scarlet”). She’s independent, and has great clothes, but had some misguided affections!
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Now I’m thinking scarlet letter
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Scarlet woman!
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Lol come play Druid
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He did – he’s up somewhere near my original comment. He takes thing so seriously!
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I missed it I think. Checking now
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Reblogged this on Julian Froment's Blog and commented:
A great post and an interesting comment thread.
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Oh my goodness, there are so many good responses that I have read. Each has their own definition and well, mine goes along with what some have already said and more.
I do agree that upon seeing someone for the first time, initially looks have a lot to do with it. Though, as also stated before, an ugly personality can ruin any amount of good looks. To me, someone who is truly sexy is someone I am attracted to both their physical appearance and their personality. I have met people who I find physically appealing, but upon getting to know them, I can’t stand them. I have also met some people with wonderful personalities that while I do love them and know God finds beauty everywhere, I don’t personally find them sexy. It really is a combination of so many things….
I too have been attracted to musicians. If you can play an instrument and/or sing really well, I have been known to draw to them like a moth to a flame. Oddly enough, the man I fell head over heels with and so happy with now is NOT a musician, though he does have an intense love for music. Common interests definitely plays a role in things.
Confidence does as well, as long as it doesn’t go from being confident, loving who you are, and sure of yourself to arrogance. One who takes care of themselves and takes pride in their appearance is important, just don’t come across as thinking you’re the greatest there is. 😉
Kindness, a sense of sincere compassion towards others is a huge factor for me. Be one who is going to take care of themselves, but also be more than willing to lend a helping hand to someone in need, to be there for their friends, family, and community. A warm heart really does win me over.
Being able to speak your mind when needed is huge too, must be able to communicate, but also that ability to be confident in their silence as well is not to be overlooked.
As far as looks go, I tend to gravitate towards people with brown hair, striking eyes, and a warm smile. I can also appreciate a man who has nice muscles and lean, but firm figure…..not to be overdone though….just healthy and in shape. I don’t seek bodybuilders and such. 😉 I am happy the love of my life takes pride in his appearance and staying in shape. He also motivates me to do the same, another factor I find totally appealing….his genuine care for my health and well-being, as much as he cares about his own.
Being able to handle me, deal with my insane family, and keep calm is very big with me too. I am a bit much sometimes, but if you can stay patient, keep calm, and weather everything with me….you have earned some major sexy points. 😉
And yes, laughter….being able to smile, laugh, and find the joy in life is a MUST! There are times to be serious, you must be able to take care of things, know when to buckle down, know when not to make a joke of things….but if you’re too tightly laced, it doesn’t matter how gorgeous you first appear….I’ll soon look away. Being able to make me laugh is so important…..lucky to have found someone who knows how to make me laugh, even when my day is so very dark. Never overlook that factor in someone….their ability to make you smile and laugh. 😉
There are the lists that tell you who is on today’s sexiest people….and some of them certainly make ya go…oh yeah, yum….but, ya wonder…if we were to actually meet them and get to know them….how many would we still say are legitimately sexy? Take away the cameras, make-up, fancy clothes, and strip them down to who they really are….who would we befriend? Who would we find as sexy inside as we do out? I wonder that from time to time….
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This is amazing. You must post this.
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Aww, thanks. Alright, I will do that!
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So we want a sensitive, confident, kind hobbit druid/nerd whos not afraid to answer the call of nature? Oh and of course makes us laugh in an intelligent Rhett Butler kind of way.
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Is that too much to ask?
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Of course not!
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Adore you!
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Although shallow, it is inevitable that in most cases the first sense to weigh in on a member of the opposite sex is sight. Often times this unfortunately is where it ends, we never really get to know the other person. If we give the person a chance then looks can and normally do become secondary.as they should. I know it may be cliche’, but I find a smart, funny, warm (and I just don’t mean body temperature for all you wiseguys out there) person, yes one with a pulse and a personality, far more attractive than a “beautiful” shallow person. Lets face it, once you get beyond the looks there has to be much more there to make you stay. Just my opinion.
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Ooh! Men who write poetry
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My radar for what is sexy is broken, obviously, because I never would’ve found MTM sexy before we met. I always went for dark, almost exotic looking pretty boys who exuded confidence. (Never mind that their confidence was really arrogance, which stems from insecurity, but I digress.)
I still think true confidence is sexy in a man.
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I agree. I liked nerds. Still do.
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It would be so easy to say a sense of humor makes a man sexy. And it does. But initially, before conversation, it’s posture that reflects confidence; eyes that show interest and intelligence and a smile that warms the heart.
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Also very true
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Ah! Men who even try to write poetry. sigh!!!
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men who read poetry out loud. swoon!
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Oh gosh, yes….that sounded orgasmic
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[…] before I do, I would like you to check out Ionia’s blog. Read what people had to say and maybe give her your own feedback. Also, she does some […]
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Going to reblog in a moment:)
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OMG…I go away from my puter for a day and come back to see that I missed out on all the fun…again. I can’t speak for men about what they find attractive in a woman. So, I asked my husband the minute he walked in the door. He says, “You have to ask?” (I own over a hundred pairs of shoes because he has a foot fetish.) He says simply, “Pretty feet in pretty shoes,” and when I pressed him for more, he got really defensive. He says, “Sex and attraction and desire are all different things…you didn’t ask me what I want in a woman, you asked me what I find sexy!” He wins. He is so f’ing logical, Mr. Rocket scientist. As for me and what I find sexy in a man…I thought it was it was all in the mind, UNTIL my husband redirected me. After all, what ends in the bed starts in the head. When I first became single again, way back in 1997, I was all about physical attraction, even though I had been with a Greek Adonis who turned out to be a total disaster. I think I was just horny. In that way, all I wanted was good looks. I was quite independent, and didn’t care a hoot about a serious long term relationship with commitment. 12 years later, I wanted it all and refused to settle. I won’t say how many men I dated, but I wanted sexy, intellect in both mathematics/sciences and literature/arts languages, financial security, engaging personality, gregariousness, sense of humor, open mindedness, liberal politics, spirituality.. a real renaissance man. I got it all. (He’s holding a gun to my head right now.) But in the bedroom, it all comes down to rhythm and butt, so that’s what I find sexy. A man with rhythm and a nice, tight, round, high arse gets my attention in a heartbeat. They are very hard to find these days, just look at all those baggy, saggy, drooping jeans..and they think they look good. I can’t find the arse!
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Hey I was just talking about you lady
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Was it juicy?
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It involved nudity
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Where are you?…You have spread yourself all around so many places I can’t keep up! Nudity is a good thing. Check out my award regarding my self portrait someday. that was 1997, and my boobs were never that big, but hey…it was artist’s liberty, and I had a partner in crime.
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I thought I was the partner in crime
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You are now…this was a long time ago.
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He he. We like trouble.
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I bet you have a lot of shoes.
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Tons. Jules teases me.
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Girls with a lot of shoes stay in trouble 🙂
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I love the spikes
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I have a new widget thingy on my newly themed site concerning The Cove. it’s way cool.
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I will come see as soon as I can
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I sunk to a new low…I posted a naked picture of myself on the internet, and worse…it hangs in my dining room/study/office. Did you notice how Chris managed to stay neutral? “…seem to have a lot to do with it.”
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Lol I love torturing him.
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Every woman has her charms if she chooses to use them. Girls start off being cute and flirting with their dad (in a non-sexual way) by showing them things, talking to them, asking them to go to the movies or the ice cream place. A healthy Dad-Daughter relationship leads to healthy sexuality as an adult. Having said that, the physical always is the first spark. There are scientific studies about skin tone, symmetry, curvature, proportions, etc.
What really gets me and my fellow men going though are the following: 1) sassy but not bitchy; 2) laughter; 3) fun; 4) down to earth, not snobby; 5) they like food (they don’t have to eat a lot, but they don’t pick pick pick at it; 6) the smile; 7) they make you feel happy; 8) they make you want to be better; 9) they dress nice but not slutty; and the most sexy of all things a woman can do –
10) Look at a man with those eyes that say, “I find you amazing.” No man can resist a woman that looks at them that way. After all, we are simple ego driven creatures. The respect, passion, love, lust, or simple appreciation in your eyes is all we really need.
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This is incredible! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, you are amazing:)
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Reblogged this on mybrandofgenius and commented:
Interesting questions with more interesting comments. People! Are you paying attention? This is important!
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Reblogged this on Amanda's Words / starfire8me and commented:
I think it’s sexy when a man speaks softly, but no too low, except in the private place.. you know where. a nice head of hair, and he is able to take care of any problem!!(money wise)
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Okay, I gave up in trying to read all the comments but what I did read I agree with, lol. Confidence is key. I think that is what is really sexy, a woman who knows what she is about. I feel very very unoriginal here, lol.
Isn’t one of the more successful Romance writers a guy? Nicholas Sparks? I haven’t read any of his books but I think his characters aren’t really the supermodel perfect type but always connect on an emotional level (and then die, buwahahahaha).
So this what I find sexy in my girlfriend: her confidence, her humour, the way she makes me feel, her laugh, her voice, her ability to see me for me, khakis, how she helps me to be a better me. I think she epitomizes sexy and I really consider myself to be one of the luckiest men alive to have just known her. (The fact that I can be such a sap like this and she appreciates it).
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I am so glad to see at least a few guys chime in. We ladies need some sense of direction.
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Men won’t ask for directions lol
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I would have to agree, but for men lol
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Oh you’re so sweet! I think every girl can appreciate that (And probably wishes their guy was like that)
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He is very sweet. I support all Brad is awesome comments.
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Thank you! I think I might be blushing a little now…
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You? So cute.
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🙂
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The photo says it all–the man is keeping things on an even keel . . . at least in my case, and probably yours!
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Exactly!
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Confidence, but not arrogance or overconfidence, and a personality that’s a good fit seem to have a lot to do with it.
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Are you calling me bloody overconfident again, Chris?
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I never said anything about being bloody. 🙂
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Oh, we’ll good then I will still reduce your entrance fee to my blog.
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Well
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As a man, physical attraction will always be a part of the picture in what we find sexy in a woman. Being able to have a good intellectual discussion (I like to debate) is sexy as well. It shows me she thinks about the world around her and interested in other things besides shopping. LOL!!
For me, a woman that likes a variety of music (jazz, r&b, country, salsa…etc) and reads all types of books is sexy too.
Marion
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I hate shopping, but I do love books:) thank you for your comment!
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They have it. I can’t tell you what it is, but they have it. For me, there is now one thing. Like hair color. Or legs. Or this or that. There’s just something that clicks for me. It’s important though, to differentiate between physical sexy and real sexy. Physical sexy is just how they look. Is there something about her hips and things that move me, if you know what I mean.
But, real sexy, which is what I think you’re really talking about? Well, that’s a mystery isn’t it. Like I said, it’s not just one thing, one body part, one personality trait. It’s a combination of all of those things. The ease of laughter, the willingness to be open and to share, the willingness to share both pain and joy. And, yes there’s a physical aspect to it, but that physical aspect becomes real when those other connections are made. Yeah, I could look at a woman who has a nice figure and an attractive face and say to my self, “damn, I’d like to …” but that’s not sexy, that’s just basic physical need.
Sexy is sooooooooooooo much more. You know what is sexy to me some times? Seeing a mother with a small child, totally wrapped up in that child. Not distracted by her phone or her friends or whatever. Just seeing a mom be a mom. That can be sexy.
The sexiest women I know are the ones I’ve got to know in an intimate way — not physically, but emotionally and intellectually. The depth they have, their inner core. That’s sexy. And yes, having hips I want to run my hands along doesn’t hurt either. 😉
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I like that answer. Very well thought out. I know naught about what makes a woman sexy, but I love personality in all people. It’s why I adore you.
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Damn. I thought it was my hips.
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Well damn, I’d like to…
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Thanks for the laugh and good to see you back.
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I missed you guys. Hey..uhm I need a book cover image for your book before tomorrow please???
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I need to email it to you. Bridgeport or Weed Therapy?
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Both, ideally
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Not sure I have your email address. Mine is mpaxson55@gmail.com if you want to email me to reply back with the covers.
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readfulthings@gmail.com
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[…] I use the word, A? Yes, D. You want to tell the tale, call it by the name Ionia gave it. Fine.) What Makes Someone Sexy? It generated some delightful and thought-provoking responses (mine included, of course. A responded […]
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You know, I like a good sense of humour. If they can laugh at my jokes and I can laugh at there’s, there is a good chance that I’m going to, on some level, find them attractive. Of course there are other details to consider, physical attractiveness has a small part to play, but of course, I have my own idea of what makes a girl pretty, and this doesn’t necessarily follow societies ‘standards’. I like eccentricity for some reason, as well confidence in themselves and the way they are. Someone who can be themselves and not be afraid to have their own personality and style is extremely attractive to me. Also, a degree of intelligence is also important to me, as I like to be able to hold a meaningful and interesting conversation with somebody who can understand where I’m coming from and hold their own.
–Oh… and also big boobies. They are also good.
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So happy you mentioned that society standards may not reflect your own. Love that. Also, who doesn’t love a good set of boobs. Afraid to be yourself is a frightening thought, clearly not a problem on this blog:) thank you for your comment!
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Of course, I was just joking around with the boob comment… it’s not hugely important!
I imagine there are a lot of people around who are afraid to themselves, living in fear of judgement and lack of acceptance from their peers. It’s sad really, because everybody should be encouraged to walk their own path in life without criticism from others on the way they dress or the things they like. They shouldn’t be afraid to wear the t-shirt of their favourite band or talk excitedly about some geeky aspect of life that they are interested in.
A blog that promotes self-awareness and freedom of expression is always worth reading and commenting on, thank you for keeping things interesting!
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Considering my penchant for loud, hostile music and swear words I would fail at being anyone else lol. You’re great.
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As the self-proclaimed college metalhead, I whole-heartedly agree with you there! Haha
Thank you, as are you! 😀
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A great smile that spreads to the twinkle in the eyes.
And 2nd, a good butt!
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The bum does help…
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Looks alone doesn’t cut it for me. I find a man attractive when he has these attributes: tall, smart, good sense of humor and good sense of style.
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I also like a man who can wear a suit bit the transition to casual without seeming out of place.
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At the risk of alienating myself, I’ll admit that sexy for me is a man of a certain body type and image. Truth be known: when I met my future husband, it was lust at first. No, not love. No typo here. L U S T. During a lunch break from work, before we started dating, we went a community pool with a bunch of other coworkers. I could not keep my eyes off his chest. True story. Fortunately he also has a great sense of humor and is sensitive to my emotional needs; otherwise, the great looks would have eventually become a poor bargain. We’ve been happily married almost 24 years and that can’t happen on good looks alone. Then again, he has done a good job of maintaining his lovely chest and tight butt so … what’s the question again?
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The question was how did you notice his other qualities with a chest and bum like that?
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I closed my eyes. Seriously, we actually had a slightly rocky “courtship” during which he joined the Peace Corps and went away for two years. But that’s one of the things I love about him is his desire to help people meet their basic needs. And we both loved being outdoors and trying new restaurants and going to the movies (I’m talking mid-1980s in the San Francisco Bay Area). He was probably the first man I ever dated with whom I felt I could be myself, my klutzy, introverted, bookworm self. He helped me to face and even overcome challenges, often times without even knowing he was helping. I guess, in short, I find a man sexy when I can be myself with him, when he accepts me as I am and doesn’t ask me to be someone else.
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Klutzy, introverted bookworm….me too!
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We are legion 😉
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Hello darling! Long time listener, first time caller…. okay, well, that’s not true — this is actually possibly the first thing I’ve read of yours (maybe not, who knows) but you are spoken highly of by some mutual friends, and so I thought I’d drop by and say hello.
In answer to your post, I think you’re right and that both men and women authors project into their opposite the qualities that we think we’d LIKE them to have — but the fact is, men AREN’T usually like that, and we often love men for how they really are — which is flawed, and posturing, and in control of their emotions (or at least the good ones). It’s why Twilight is so ridonkulous — no man — no real man — is that emotive, and if I ever met one who was, I’d laugh in his face. (Have done, akchu-ally). We as women read a man’s description of the perfectly sexy woman, and she’s either a porn star or a princess. Good writing usually (in my experience) depicts women as willing participants in “the game”, and that confidence doesn’t necessarily equal sluttiness.
What do I think sexy is? A lop-sided grin. Hard-earned sweat. Spontaneity. Being employed! (ha ha) Intelligence, but not cockiness. (Well, if THAT wasn’t a Freudian slip, darling, I don’t know what qualifies).
Anyhow, nice to meet you. Do drop in sometime.
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I’ve found in my writing that for romance novels everyone wants the gorgeous guy with the 6 pack abs and great tan. The woman has to be beautiful with no flaws. But as for my characters I try to put a couple of flaws. Flaws can be sexy in their own way. I find a mind that is sensitive, but yet strong of characters. A good body doesn’t hurt, but sometimes an ok body can be sexy too. Great post question and I enjoyed the many comments…
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Wow, what a question…it’s a real thinker. I like it when a man as confidence but not cocky. Can give a sexy look with his eyes but not feel like he’s undressing you with them. Sexy is a man who smells good. I’m a sucker for good cologne. Sexy is a guy who can laugh at himself. Sexy is a guy who can go from construction boots and grubby jeans to dressing up for a nite out on the town and look good either way. I’m sure there’s more but that’s what I come up off the top of my head.
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Do you people have any idea how long it took to get down here to the bottom to make a bloody comment? Channeling Ionia now. The sexiest thing about a man is the way he responds to me:>) And the way he treats other people. All the nuts (there she is again) and bolts will fall into place if he actually listens and then that eye-to-eye contact…okay, and butt.
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But and butt in the same comment. I really do like you.
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Nuts and butt, rather
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Wow….this is a popular topic. Good one, Ionia! Well, I’ve noticed a lot of butt comments from the ladies. Yes….for us guys a good squeezeable butt on a woman is sexy. Of course…that’s too obvious to write in our politically correct world these days. However, it is still true regardless. LOL!!
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