If you could all take a moment to throw a few extra squirrels at Charles today and keep him preoccupied that would be great. Do not afford him the time to worry, stress, curse and so on that he usually does when he is stressed.
NO STRESS, CHARLES.
Also, I thought it would be appropriate if I announced that I am breaking up with CANCER today. We have had a long, tumultuous relationship and I believe breaking up publicly is a good idea. This way when he wants to come back you can all back up the fact that I said “hell no.” I will take the house car and kids, you take the damaged cells and Fuck off. I dedicate this song to you cancer.
Also, for all of those of you who are going with me today, John offered to take us all to an Irish pub afterward. WOOT!