33 Signs You’re Getting Older

Dearest Ionia.  I tried to be nice and now I’m going to do this to tease you.  Though, I did the honorable thing and asked permission first:

From Yahoo Image Search

From Yahoo Image Search

  1. When drinking in public, you hear people yell ‘Chug it, Grannie!’
  2. When driving, your tits can be used to hit the pedals.
  3. Your favorite pair of shoes is older than your average Pop Star.
  4. People no longer tell you to act your age.
  5. The words ‘things were cheaper back when I was younger’ spring from your mouth.
  6. New technology confuses and scares you, but you’re going to try to use it anyway.
  7. You have enough stories to entertain people for hours.  Damned if you can remember any of them.
  8. There are wrinkles in places that will never be seen by the public eye.
  9. You roll out of bed and your tits stay under the covers.
  10. The ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’ commercial makes you nervous.  Did they ever save the woman?
  11. Your kids look at you like you’re insane . . . because you are.
  12. The songs you grew up with are being covered and the youngsters think they’re the originals.
  13. Gas is a constant thought in your mind.  Not the kind for your car.
  14. New swears words have to be explained.  The ‘I’m British’ excuse no longer works.
  15. You squeeze into your sexiest, tightest dress.  Wake up in the ER after passing out from asphyxiation.
  16. ‘Must be jelly because jam don’t shake like that’ isn’t being said about your bum.
  17. You came upstairs for something.  Not sure what.  Must not have been important . . . show up to supermarket without pants.
  18. You spend an entire drive around town pointing out places where things ‘used to be’.
  19. You’ve had to take a nap by the time you get to this number.
  20. The library no longer has many of the books that you remember getting there as a child.
  21. Having sex in the back of a movie theater makes creaking noises . . . not from the chair.  Get your hip oiled.
  22. If you hear ‘it’s not the age, it’s the mileage’ one more time, you’re going to hit someone with your walker.
  23. Considering how classy you would look with a cane.
  24. You remember the names the original Pokemon even though you never played it, watched the show, or cared about it in any way.
  25. You call younger people sweetie and dear.
  26. You call older people by name and secretly thank them for existing.
  27. Your nightmare about getting shorter is coming true.  There is a small ladder in every room of the house.
  28. You look through photo albums and don’t recognize most of the people you see, including your mother.
  29. Your list of enemies is longer than your list of friends.  Both lists mention that you have to buy eggs and milk.
  30. You grew up with video games.  Claim retirement to avoid embarrassing yourself with the Kinect.
  31. When walking by a construction site, workers tell you to get out of the way of the hot chick next to you.  Hot chick is really a cute guy with long hair
  32. You know for a fact that Simpsons did it and they did it better.
  33. Your judgement is terrible!  Look at the friends you have.  Charles?  Bradley?  Susan?  Julian?  Katie & D?  What in the world were you thinking?

In the end, I’ll always be older and taller than you, Ionia.  Seems I can’t be entirely mean on these things.  Happy birthday and I love you, breast (thanks, autocorrect) friend.

9:45

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21 thoughts on “33 Signs You’re Getting Older

  1. Pingback: The Squirrel Mash! (So I lied) | Green Embers

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