An Interview with The Lich

Ionia-

So, today, I am very honoured to have…uhm…pssst…how should I announce you…do you want to go by Lich or by the Lich or by…

The Lich-
The Lich is what I am known as. All other names have been cast aside.

Ionia-
Very good then. Today I am very honoured to have The Lich on Readful Things Blog for an interview. Can you tell us a little about yourself Mr. Lich?

The Lich-
Most of my history is cloaked in shadows, so it will be very little. I am the ruler of the Caster Swamp and the favorite of my dark master. It is my job to create armies in his name and remove all obstacles to his return.

Ionia-
Evasive. I like that. You know, you should eat you look a bit…er…boney

The Lich-
I’m on a strict soul of the innocent diet with the occasional drink for entertainment.

Ionia-
Would you like a cupcake? They are innocent cupcakes.

The Lich-
I lack the innards and tongue to fully enjoy such things. At least now. There are certain spells and rituals that allow me to take a more . . . fleshed out form.

Ionia-
The reason I wanted to interview you today is partially because I find you rather sexy and also because I was hoping you could explain what a Lich is. Many do not know….

The Lich-
Interesting. I would think Liches are common knowledge within your world as they are here.
The sexy part sounds like Queen Trinity put you up to mocking me.

Ionia-
Not so much…There are many who only know vampires (shparkly)and werewolves.

The Lich-
I’ve heard of those vampires. My old teacher is not amused by them. So, what do you wish to know of my kind?

Ionia-
Trinity and I were girl talking a bit ago, but no… I really do think you are super hot. I love the attitude.

The Lich-
Then I accept your compliment.

Ionia-
How do you become a Lich?

The Lich-
Traditionally, a Lich is born from a powerful and evil caster. There are rituals that can transform such people into Liches and there have been times that a truly evil caster becomes a Lich upon death. The main ingredient is to be evil to your core. So evil that it does not fade after death.

There are spells that can force a Lich transformation on an enemy or create one from the corpse of a pure caster, but those are weaker servant Liches.

A final note on Liches is that they keep their souls in another item. This is to allow them to return from destruction, which makes them one of the more complicated undead to destroy. The item is usually hidden far away from the Lich.

Ionia-
I could be a Lich!

The Lich-
If you feel you’re evil enough and have enough magic that it will carry over into death then you can be.

Ionia-
I figure a certain author may kill me eventually for suggesting edits anyway.

I will work on the magic

The Lich-
I’m sure he will behave. He’s still wallowing in guilt for creating something truly horrible. It’s fun to watch him squirm.

Ionia-
If you could choose someone to play you in a movie, who would you choose?

The Lich-
I’m not very familiar with a lot of your actors, so I will pick one of the few I know. Tim Curry.

Ionia-
Oh…I was thinking Skeletor You know…that chick from Twilight is really boney

The Lich-
I have not been subjected to those movies yet. I find the look of those vampires rather distasteful. No rotting or smears of blood or anything truly monstrous about them.

Ionia-
Oh trust me….They are monstrous. They have the power to make me gag. They don’t even require gesticulating.

Do you celebrate Halloween in Windemere?

The Lich-
We are unfamiliar with the tradition since actual monsters prowl the night. The closest we have is the Day of Darkness. It is a twenty-four hour period of pure darkness where the undead rule and mortals hide in their homes.

I have heard of one person talking about inventing a holiday like your Halloween, but she’s rather odd . . . even for a gypsy.

Ionia-
Maybe you could dress up as Luke? Free candy…
You could go out with me…

The Lich-
Transform into one of my most hated enemies? You might be onto something. I still taste his aura, so it is entirely possible to steal his form.

Ionia-
See..I told you I could do evil. Teach me….my number is 867-5309

The Lich-
I lack a cellphone, but I’m sure I can send a message through more amusing means. Is there a pig farm around here?

Ionia-
Just wait…I will get the # for zombie wireless. Okay…that’s 666-6660. 😉

The Lich-
I notice an obsession with 6’s in your world. Why is that?

Ionia-
We have an obsession with 6 because 5 and 7 are boring and not curvy enough. We like fat bottoms.

The Lich-
Such a sexual world. Are all of you gypsies, succubi, or from Bor’daruk?

Ionia-
I may be a gypsie. Or a vampire princess. Either way I have a big 6.

The Lich-
Then you need not bother becoming a Lich. Vampires are another creature entirely and are unable to become Liches.

Ionia-
I will have to go to ancestry.com and get back to you. Do you hear something?

The Lich-
Many things. Zombies shuffling, the creatures of the Caster Swamp, my allies talking behind my back. It is rather noisy here.

Ionia-
This sounded like laughter… Uhm…you just grew boobs….

The Lich-
I have a distinct sense that I should be worried. After all, you were the one who insinuated that I had a thing for that harsh mercenary woman in my earlier interview this year.

Ionia-
I think I should go…and let you deal with…her

The Lich-
Oh . . . her . . . I should send her after someone else. Someone worthy of being annoyed to the point of insanity.

Ionia-
Uhm….I stand by that Selenia statement.

The Lich-
You are still wrong. The only thing I want from that woman is her beating heart on a pike.

Ionia-
With that small waist…that doesn’t look too bad on you…he he

The Lich-
*waves hand to undo transformation spell* She should have been locked up in a cage.

Ionia-
Thank you, Lich, for the interview. I hope we have cleared up some misconceptions about what you are and what you do. I’m going to go work on a summoning spell. I want cupcakes.
The Lich-
I believe your people call it baking or ordering out.

Ionia-
We really are boring…

The Lich-
You merely live in a world with magic and monster. In my world, you’ll never be bored . . . if you survived.

Ionia-

*POOF!!!!* 🍄

Uh…A little help here…

Succubus by Manidiforbice (Found in Yahoo Image Search)

The Lich-

Much better.

Ionia-
I can’t rock this shite. It’s the wings. They itch.

The Lich-
I prefer traveling as mist, but I assume wings feel better if you stretch them and give them air.

Ionia-
Will you catch me if I fall?

The Lich-
I have minions for that.

Ionia-
Right…never trust a Lich

The Lich-
Of course not. We are evil creatures who work from the shadows. We do not get physically involved.

Ionia-
Wait…that’s what I do…. Ask the csb editors….

The Lich-
I see. Are those demons or zombies?

Ionia-
They are water ghasts. Seems we got off track…have you been taking lessons from the author?

The Lich-
Interesting choice of minions. I’m merely stalling for time while I learn more about your world and leave a delicious spell for future use.

Ionia-
They ride the wave. If you keep stalling I’m going to go interview Trinity

The Lich-
Very well. What else do you wish to know?

Ionia-
Do you want us talking about you in public?

The Lich-
There is no harm in it. The word of my existence brings people to investigate, which gives me more zombies and other experiments.

Ionia-
I want to know…boxers or briefs?

The Lich-
I lack those parts to bother with such items.

Ionia-
Your sexy just went down

The Lich-
My kind are not know for being sexy. You are thinking of vampires in terms of attractive undead.

Ionia-
No. I really dig your kill them all let Gabriel sort them out attitude.

The Lich-
Amusing phrase. It is entertaining to make trouble for my master’s greatest enemy.