Energy Conservation at the North Pole

aaaaaaaaa   So with the budget being so tight and all, Santa has had to make some cutbacks. He has contacted me and asked me to review his latest book “How to conserve energy and keep those pockets padded,” By A. Jollyfatman.

Whilst I await the arrival of this book, he has agreed to do a guest post for Readful Things, sharing some of his energy saving ideas. Please welcome St. Nick.

 

Are you looking to save some money this year? Here are some of the changes we have made at the North Pole to ensure that production stays up and costs stay down.

1. I replaced the blinky red nose of Rudolph with a lower energy LED light. True, he can’t guide the sleigh as well, but I can find my way pretty well without the little bugger.

2. I sold off the collection of classic toys and old sleighs to those nice men from “American Pickers.”

3. Having a work force of a thousand pointy-eared people under 3 feet tall was cool and all, but they were expensive. I replaced them with five Ogres (thanks Yallowitz you made the nice list) and now I have to pay 95% less. Plus, the ogres won’t be hungry for a while since the old employees became “redundant.”

4. Mrs. Santa is no longer serving hot cocoa and cookies to all the children who visit, but requiring that they bring their own and now pay a nominal admission to “pet the reindeer.”

5. The reindeer are now only six tiny bastards because two of them are on strike. Stupid unions keep trying to cause trouble for the magical folk. Still, we save money not feeding the other two.

6. The sleigh has been replaced by a zap car. Can’t fit in as many toys, but those $1 vouchers for the Dollar tree have really cut down on required space.

7. I no longer try to “Do it all in one night,” Like Ebeneezer. My policy now states that I have up to six month to deliver said gift. The slower you drive the less fuel you use.

8. Packaging up all of those cookies that are made with vegan soy product and retailing them as organics on Amazon.com has become a handy side business.

9. Whereas I used to write my naughty and nice lists on fine parchment, I now use recycled toilet paper. It’s not as bad as it sounds, the toilet paper didn’t actually used to be toilet paper…I don’t think…

10. Mrs. Santa has started a side business as well. That crafty woman is a ….

 

HO HO HO!

 

So there you have it. Money saving ideas from the big man himself.

56 thoughts on “Energy Conservation at the North Pole”

      1. Shhh. People aren’t supposed to know that. If they did, they’ll make me do math and confiscate my bacon. I don’t eat the bacon due to doctor’s orders, but I stare at it longingly.

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  1. I’m sorry but I just don’t have the heart to do that to Rudolph. I’ve always thought of him in the future tense, “Rudolph, won’t you lead my sleigh tonight?”

    To switch him to the past tense just doesn’t seem right. It’s like saying, “Rudolph, were you the one that LED my sleigh last night?”

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      1. By the way, have you heard that Canada is in the midst of trying to declare the North Pole as Canadian territory? It only makes sense, given Santa’s colors . . . talk about a coincidence!

        It could all backfire though, as I among millions of other, would probably insist on putting Santa on the ballot for our next Prime Minister, but only under the condition that Geppetto is allowed to be deputy to the rest of the politicians – they’ll be wishing they’re noses were simply red! 🙂

        Now that’s a sentence!

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      2. Ha! A comment like that is akin to Santa putting Pandora’s Box under my tree.

        With my luck he’d have her wrapped with a chastity belt. Now that’s pretty naughty, but in an odd way still kinda nice, “Vixen, where’s the key?”

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  2. I tried to do some recycling this year but found the first cycle tired me out enough. Great post Ionia. Really liked the used TP (which may have not been for that purpose I think) LOL

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      1. No, this you didn’t want. It floored me. 😦 Tomorrow on my blog I have some sick statistics going up, lol.

        Thanks for making me laugh though, laughing is the best medicine after all and isn’t it supposed to hurt that way you know it’s medicine?

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