You know you’re an author when…(HBC)

11550You stand in line at Barnes & Noble to meet an author you have never even read a book by just to mention “I’m an author too.”


You check only blogs that mention someone selling books, hoping for a tidbit of information on how they are doing it.


You have had at least one serious relationship with a character from your books.


Your mind goes on auto pilot at all meetings and you begin seeing your characters as the other people in the room. Fizzle! Get down from there, this is the school board for goodness sake!


You identify with Poe for more than just his history of drinking.


You identify with Poe because of his history of drinking.


You feel guilty when you are on Facebook unless it directly relates to writing or promotion.


You don’t begrudge the other authors who are ahead of you on the lists any happiness, you just wish they would all go back to what they are really supposed to do–being fry cooks at a hamburger stand and let your book have the recognition it deserves. Order UP!


You close at least one eye and hold your breath when you see there is a new review of your work but can’t see the star rating yet.

You look for any excuse to get away from large family gatherings when the discussion on work begins. “Sure, Aunt Bea. I’d love to walk that adorable, (lousy) sweet, (insane) well mannered, (yapping, nipping) Little dog (rat.)”


Your significant other hears you mumbling at night in clipped bits and pieces of phrases including “Damn you (insert author)” or “just one more para—snooooore.”

You can’t watch the telly without picking it apart or imagining your characters in the place of the actors.

You have sat down and plotted the entire cast of your movie at least once. Or twice..or more.


You are constantly looking at electronics and thinking you should have a back up.



You can get upset with family for interrupting your thought process when you have done nothing but stare blankly at the ceiling fan spinning for hours.

You read this post because you have a literary blog or you are Charles, who is coincidentally, a writer.



38 thoughts on “You know you’re an author when…(HBC)

  1. LMAO….sooooo many of these are so true. I have spent enitre days sitting on the back porch “thinking” and staring at the ceiling fan. Pissed as hell when the phone rings and I actually have to stop thinking to get up and answer it. I always look at reviews with one eye and hesitate to read it even if it has five stars…OMG, it’s like taking off your clothes in public.


  2. I’ve actually sort of done that waiting in line thing. I called it support, but really, I think it was like being a dog sniffing another dog’s butt.
    Anyway, before I go to sleep, HAPPY BIRTHDAY again, Charles. Ionia, you rock (btw, my birthday’s on Saturday. Just sayin’.)
    XO XO to you, Charles! G’night.


  3. Hahaha oh man, I do too many of those. The one that always makes me awkward is the going up to authors and being like “I’m an author too”. Because I’m never sure what the protocol is. If it’s their book signing, is it bad manners to distract attention away from their book by bringing up your own? Or will they welcome the chance to chat with a fellow author? So many questions!!!


      • Me: Hi.
        EL James: Hi. Which book would you like me to sign?
        Me: Oh, I don’t want you to sign anything. You see, I’m also an author.
        EL James: Oh. That’s nice. Congratulations.
        Me: Thanks. *Spends 5 minutes explaining the plot*
        EL James: Ah … okay. That sounds really interesting. Um … but you’re holding up the line, so if you could just let me sign something …
        Me: But we’re both authors! I don’t need a signed book from another author! We’re equals, you see. We respect each other. We are the same. WE ARE ONE!
        EL James: SECURITY!!!


  4. Pingback: You know you’re an author when…(HBC) | Robynn Gabel's Common Sense Experience

  5. Pingback: You know you’re an author when…(HBC) | ldbush21

  6. I like your questions. I stare out the window and write my book in my head. after a couple of hours staring, my wife comes by and ask me if I’m all right. I have been staring for the past couple of hours not on the key board. She thinks I’m sick or coming down with something. She frowns when I say “I’m writing my book” then gives me a disgusted look and heads to the kitchen. I think by now, she would have learned. HaHa! Thanks for this post.It made me laugh like IONIAMARTIN did..


  7. I can’t wait to be standing in lines for book signings and gush over that yes.. I’m a published author as well, alas, I barely squeezed out the first draft of my first novel, need to edit it, and have no idea on how to go about getting it published, but why get stuck on those minor details, I’m gonna get back to daydreaming now πŸ˜€


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