I need your brains (that sounded so zombie)


Want to become part of my next parody?

I had so much fun writing Plundering the Romance Novel. Really, it was great. I made a list of the things that authors do in romances that drive me completely mad, and built the story around those.

Now it is horror’s turn in the hotseat. You can think horror movie or horror novel or a combination of both.

Here’s the deal. I’ve got a list of horror clichés going already, but I want to involve you. Give me your worst horror clichés, and if I use one of them in the book, I will name a character after the person who submitted it. Who doesn’t want to be immortalised in a terrible horror parody? First names only, I promise.

Bring it on, folks.

The book is called “Saturday the 14th.”

Apparently, Friday the 13th is bad luck.


45 thoughts on “I need your brains (that sounded so zombie)

  1. You know there was a movie called “Saturday the 14th,” right? Anywho, the only zombie book that comes to mind immediately is “Pet Sematary.” I’m sure there are a few cliches in that. Of course the bestest best evar zombie movie is “Evil Dead II.” If you haven’t see it, you need to.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m sure you have the woman in high heels who trips over something while being chased by a monster. Or the woman who goes into the basement of a house instead of running to safety. Or the lights suddenly flickering out on a stormy night. Or the person hiding in a closet while the crazed killer roams the house. And the closet is the last place the killer looks. If the story is a vampire story and the night is stormy, the vampire will turn his or her head just as the lightning flashes to show blood dripping from his/her fangs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Old man/woman needs to be scantily clad while running away from the terrible thing chasing them. If it’s not PG then someone will need to be killed during sex. Someone has to say “I’ll be right back”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All the doors in the hallway are locked except one. First startling/creepy sound always turns out to be a tree against a window or a cat, only for the person to exhale in relief and then are immediately slashed/hacked to death by the killer who has popped up behind them

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What about, when being chased, they always run upstairs instead of out of the house! I mean, really… what is up with that?!? Or, the romance that always blossoms! They end up kissing right in the heat of things? And don’t forget how the party of people trying to get away always stop to “chat” and maybe “make a plan” while they are being chased!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Why oh why do everybody always wants to go to the bassement and check what is there? Why does everyone always split. Not all vampires come from Romania, and by gods, are all of them forever 20, crispy, sexy and young?
    I also tend to find something generally described as an “evil thing” to suddenly change its mind at book end and become an archangel of good just because of some character, human love yadda yadda, to be cliche, but maybe thats just me.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I had commented, elsewhere, about a character getting attacked in front of another (usually a girl; that’s a cliche, too) and starts yelling to go, run hide, etc. Instead, have them yell, “Stand and watch! Don’t move! CRY!!!!” since that’s all they do anyway. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. How about no matter how slow the killer walks or stumbles he always catches the victim that’s running because they trip on their own feet. The victim always running to a car but not having the keys. Or the killer being in the backseat waiting, because the victim didn’t look in the back before getting in. No gas if by chance they remembered the keys. Why is it always the girl is the first to be killed after the sex scene? The human killer never dies, no matter what hes been stabbed or shot with! Probably all the movies I’ve seen that deal with ghosts the victims are Catholic or Satanists, why not some other religion, or atheist?

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Like the bodice-rippers that have their readers and fans, horror stories feed the human desire for escape. Yet, you are right, Ionia. There are many of them abounding with stereotypes and cliches. Here are some I am thinking about: the attic room the landlady keeps locked and a nosy tenant will try to find out what’s kept in there, or the guy who must be working nights because he sleeps during the day – obviously a vampire – and finally, a house that’s for sale too cheaply because it’s haunted. But I’m sure you already have these on your list.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. There is nearly always a beautiful young virginal looking girl in a suitably white cotton nightie – as you, going down to the basement, cellar. What about having her head into a high-rise apartment, open the door and then hear the knocking noises coming from the basement?. Just a thought… Oh – and of course there has to be spooky organ music and a terrific thunderstorm raging.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Have you got the car breaks down (or similar problem) and helpful person appears, to give them a lift/put them up for the night, only to be the evil monster from hell? Helpful person usually drugs food/drink, which only one person in the group avoids taking leaving them to escape for help …
    And vice versa, the nice driver (male) and passenger (female) picking up a hitchhiker … (there was a good film years ago called The hitchhiker or something obvious like that, well scary)

    Liked by 1 person

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