“Thursday the Twelfth” is a 15k word parody about a down-on-his-luck killer in a horror book. Filled with absolute silliness, it is not recommended that you read this book if you are concerned with your sanity. For everyone else who is okay with being crazy, please proceed.
What happens if the star of the horror book, the masked murderer, is arrested before he has the chance to kill anyone? A failing college student steps in to take his place. Can it really be that simple? Does the masked killer just walk up to someone and kill them?
Along with following all of the horror monster rules he learned at Psychotic Killer Camp, like:
The killer always gets up again
He always takes the stairs
He must never lose his weapon
He must enter through the most impossible entrance
He also has to decide what his motive is, and if he can really manage to kill anyone, especially those closest to him. Thank goodness for the help of some famous movie monsters, or his bad luck just might do him in before he ever gets the chance to make something of his new career.
With two bumbling cops on the lookout, a group of friends who are more concerned with partying than the killer on the loose, and an angry bear and rabid squirrel competing for body count, John has his work cut out for him.
He came charging through, straight at Marissa and her boyfriend, Todd. Both of them looked up and said, “Hey John,” but neither of them appeared the slightest bit terrified.
He blew out an exasperated breath, and sat down on the end of the bed, tugging his mask up again.
“Look, I’m not John anymore. I am now a deranged, blood-thirsty killer, and it would really do me a huge favour if when you see me charging through the door, you could scream and run. Otherwise, I will feel really bad when I kill you.”
“But we’ve known you forever. You’ll always be John to us,” Marissa said.
The killer rolled his eyes. “I know that, and we can all get together for some beers and a BBQ after this is over, but for now can you just play along? I have to kill you in this book or the author will fire me.”
His two friends considered his words. It made sense. If he got fired he wouldn’t be able to afford the beer. “Okay,” they agreed.
Marissa looked at him curiously. “Should we like, start having sex or something?”
Todd looked hopeful.
John shook his head. “There’s no time. The author wants to go make dinner.”
Todd looked defeated.
“I’m going to go back out in the hall and jiggle the door handle a couple of times. That’s your cue to act scared when I come charging in, and try to flee. Screaming and running. That’s all you gotta do.”
They both consented.
John went back into the hallway, and jiggled the door handle twice before entering. He came rampaging in, and his two friends opened their eyes wide and pointed, both screaming and diving for opposite sides of the room. John tripped over Marissa’s handbag, and pitched head first out the window.